THE NICE GUY ENIGMA
I love this topic because I’m the nicest one around the block. But there’s a catch, in short: I’m nice when she deserves it.
Look, it’s just human modus operandi: If you’re being nice all the time, you’ll get your heart raped multiple times. Being an ass, on the other hand, is like the red tint on a towel and direct provocation aimed at the women you like.
But why women like being provoked, why does it seem like women enjoy being treated badly and still they come back to their scumbag boyfriend? It all traces back to how women and men are wired.
Now. Let me work some magic to show you the transformation of typical nice guy:
When women hang around the nice guy they simply feel threatened.
“Where did all my feminine qualities disappear?”, asks the frightened woman.
“I STOLE IT ALL AWAY!”, says the ultimate nice guy with a badge of honour attached to his collar.
The worst is that that nice guys are like a chameleon, they change their true colours when around women. That’s why the nice guys are the ultimate manipulators and they are rarely truly nice. Most of the nice guys who don’t have a jack clue about dating are actually the ones that are the worst kind of abusers. They always wonder and ask themselves “Why can’t I find a decent girl, I’m the nicest guy around the block”, but dude, no, you’re actually not that of a nice guy.
Take a look at the graph above again, then read all the traits under the “the nice guy” row. There are two things I want to clear with this graph, and that’s:
- Authenticity of said traits and
- Authenticity to your biological hypothesis
The nice guy within the manipulator emerges when they are operating in close proximity to his female victims. I use these specific words because nice guys are predators in disguise. Let me elaborate: Before I knew anything about dating, I thought if I bought her a nice flower or the darkest and sweetest chocolate on market on our first date she’ll automatically think:
What a great guy this is. I’m sure as fuck to have sex with him within an hour. Or two. It doesn’t matter but I’ll definitely sleep with him. I have to. He bought me a chocolate.
That’s how the nice guys actually think. This is what she actually thinks:
Nice. What do I do now?
That’s it. But there’s more to it. You see, she’s now cornered, and feels like she has to do something in return and things become…
The incoming blows to the nice guys back come in different stages:
PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY – A phase in which the nice guy rejects the truth about his wrong way of seeing things clearly.
- BETRAYAL – The girl he likes didn’t return the favour in a way he sees fit. And he can’t connect the dots “Why doesn’t she like me back? I’m nice for FUCKS SAKE”
- STALKER MODE – “Well if she doesn’t love me, she can’t possible love that asshole Chad Thundercock who probably has ASSHOLE written all over his face.”
- BARGAINING – This is highlighted for a reason. Nice guys now reach their peak, they can’t accept that it is over, and are willing to sacrifice EVEN more of what’s left of their self-dignity. In this phase NG is trapped in a circle: everything that you think you did wrong, you’ll find a way to make it right. You’re not logical at this point anymore, you cling to any hope left, you put a lot of self-hate because you think you were the one that’s at fault here.
- GIVING UP – If it comes to this stage, the nice guy either understood that his methods and whole approach was wrong and is on a path to recovery because thankfully he discovered this site. Or he now calls all women cunts, sluts and blames them for his shortcomings. It’s usually the latter one.
If you recognise yourself as the nice guy, please stop:
- telling your crush that you’ll always love her
- that you’ll never give up on her
- that she will never find a guy like you
- that you would do anything for her
- that Chad Thundercock doesn’t deserve her and etc.
Why? Because this is called emotional blackmail, or emotional manipulation. You don’t want to be that guy. What you have to understand is that this is just a phase, no matter how much time, energy or money you invested in her, it will pass and time does indeed heal every wound. Keep in mind you created it yourself by shooting yourself in the foot in the first place.
What can you do to help yourself?
You may be hurt and the love will never be returned in the same manner as you would wish but there are workarounds:
- Join the gym
Aim your frustration, anger or resentment toward those hefty dumbbells. Build yourself so you can be proud of your lean and muscular body.
- Join your local library
Education, education, education. It’s probably the single most underrated things these days when monitors and smartphones took our life years ago. You will feel better spending at least one hour reading per day.
- Call your parents, family relatives, join a cause
It’s important to talk to other people. When we face a trauma we want to talk to other people but we feel ashamed that they will not understand or belittle us. If you are especially shy, you can always talk to me. I’ll gladly help you, contact me here, or on Quora.
- Don’t badmouth girls that dumped you
Don’t be an asshole. Just because she didn’t spread it for you doesn’t mean she spreads her legs for someone else, stop projecting, grow a pair and move one.
Why do these things? Because your motto should be: Every day, I’m going to be 1 percent better than what I was yesterday.
Print it, and make it your daily routine. One day, be it the next day, or the next month, or the next 5 years If you add just this tiny 1 percent every day you’ll look back, and say to yourself…
What a fucking cunt I was.